...I am hating the way you act. Why would you effin lie to me about something so petty as to who your talking to, do you not realize that I don't care about them...I care about you! It seems like you try to hide these things from me, but I really think you are trying to hide them from everyone else, you know no matter what you were to tell me I would still love you and care for you no matter what. Lying to your boys about talking to me isn't cool, expecially when they come to me and ask me about it. It's ok though. I finally figured out that waiting on you to figure out what you want, isn't working for me. I'm not going to be the person I once was, always there for you. You'll figure that out as soon as you see that this person screws you over time and time again. Shes not going to be able to comfort you in times of need like I did, she can't cope with your feelings...and thats because she doesn't care for your feelings. Shes trying to keep you away from me, and apparentaly its working. Again, it's ok, thats for the fact that when you come to your senses and see whats going on in your life and you see that she can't do it like me, and you come running back to me, I won't be there for you like I used to be. I'm not going to be the one that waits on you, you can learn to wait on me for a change. You act like you don't care and I know you do, but you try so hard to act this way it's messing you up. Soon enough though...you'll see what you missed out on and want it all back...but it's not coming back. You've lost it for good and I hope that you are happy with that...because *ding ding ding* its your award.

Off my rampage...

Becky- I love you more then anything in the world. You always seem to be there for me even when a (shitass) isn't, you have no clue how much I apprieciate that. I really am glad you're going with me to college, I'll have everything I need there...college and my best friend...            

Alex- ...

Dustin- You ROCK! I effin love my hugs! You are the sweetest guy I have ever met.

Merry Christmas ya'll!

My boo's home for christmas...and I'm loving every minute of it...wait just figured out that it sucks...

So yeah....I'm still alive...just not here....ever had that feeling? Not so great. You feel like nothing can make you happy, but you have no clue as to why your so unhappy. You laugh to put up a front and smile to settle yourself but its really all fake. Still confused on life and what I want...which sucks balls.

Volleyball has ended...we went to state and are officially in the Elite Eight...got beat my a effin christian school...maybe one day the GHSA will figure out that the christian schools need to be in their own bracket. Ehhh...I made JO volleyball and now play with Atlanta Boom...great team. Lots of opportunities with this one. Met a great girl named Tyler, we're on the same team think God...shes kool. Elena is also with me *smiles*!

I talked to my darling last night...shes doing alright...I miss her so much that it hurts sometimes. Would do anything in the world for Michaela. She really is my best friend in the entire world.

Went trick or treating...(yes I know I'm 17 and shouldn't be going)..went with Kandy had a effin blast. Pimped out our prom dresses as if we worked real hard on this one. Twas great.

HOSA is great...still dont know what I'm going to do at State. I'm going to miss it so much. On one hand I know if I compete I will love it, yet on the other hand I know is I run I will have one more year with it at least.

Mom has finally excepted the fact that I'm not going to stay in stay if I have the chance to go out of state to college. I really need to be on my own for a bit in my life. So as of now it looks like Western is the place to go. I hope Kandy is really thinking about it. I would love to room with her there. I love her so much, shes a great person and I never really knew it until this year.

I miss what i once had with all "my friends!" It really is true, you can count your true friends on one hand. I think I might have 3. Its ok thought because I know that those 3 love me with everything they have and would do anything in the world for me.

I miss Alex...he really was and is the only guy I could talk and tell everything thats going on to. Would do anything to help in out right now. I know hes going through a lot and it hurts me, for him to tell me about it and want me to be there to comfort him and me in Georgia knowing that I can't just go up there and sit and hug him and tell him everythings going to be ok. I love him with all my heart. Wish I could see him one more time.

Maybe thats it...?

Hiya people...miss me?

anywho...to whom knows....I quit! There is not point anymore. Nicki, you always seem to be there when I need it the most and I thank you for it. Maybe the future holds something more important and better, or maybe it holds what I've been looking at got this period of time. Whatever comes I will accept with open arms. Until then I'm sure something will hold my attention.

Onto good news...::::::... UmMmMmMm......The volleyball team is 17-1, because we lost to Etowah. We're still 9th in state. I'm going to see the best person in the world on Friday--Kele Eveland, YES MAM shes back in town for the weekend so that GT can retire her jersey YAY!! I get to see Coach Smith on Thursday, going to go do my State Officer duties. JOY! I really am getting in to this whole HOSA thing, I think it's because of the chapter, but I really am having so much fun with it all. I'm starting to cope with things better not then I ever have, I really feel like I've grown up a lot lately, probably because of whats been happening but I'm still standing.

Onto bad news...::::::... Saturday is Alex's last day in Georgia. He will be off to bigger and better things, hopefully older but better things. I feel like a piece of my heart is moving to North Carolina. I seriously don't want to cry, I hope I won't but it's inevidable.

I guess that all for the month...::::::...ha! Anywho, the feeling came out for once. Let me know what you think?!!